Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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