i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You pole danced in your parka.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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