I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
