I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
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No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
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Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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