yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
