I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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