I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
