i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
My bed smells like the plague
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
