guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
