dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
