is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
