did you get engaged???
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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