your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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