At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
