So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
