I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
