Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
