He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
