I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
