On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
