The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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