Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
