That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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