Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
