I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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