Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
