she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
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thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
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You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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