you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
