I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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