apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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