I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
