the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
