check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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