I don't have enough holes for all these australians
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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