this beer tastes like vomit already
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
