I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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