Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
