whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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