I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
tell your sister to shave her snatch
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
