If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
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