i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
