her vagina looked like bernie madoff
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
