I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
