I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
