it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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