She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
