Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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