Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
