remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Randomize
