this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
