neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Randomize
