Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
