Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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