My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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