I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
