his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
