At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
You ate ashes out of my bong
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
