I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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