i already hear my dad disowning me
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Randomize
