Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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