guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
