I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
