i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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