Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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