the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
