It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
