When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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