Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
you would pick up someone in the library
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
