he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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