I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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