so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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