i already hear my dad disowning me
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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